When I found my soulmate late in life, I had no idea on the journey I was about to begin. I went from being a successful, independent and very self – sufficient person to suddenly married, learning to share again and to compromise with the person I loved. The biggest and hardest journey was wanting to start a family…..I had never considered this before and had never needed to but my husband desperately wanted children and when you saw him with friends kids I just knew it was meant to be for us.
However, Being in your forties brings on completely different challenges and sadly Mother Nature is not on your side. I always thought it was a given that you could have children no matter what….how wrong and naive could I be. After various consultations, We turned to IVF and this is where It certainly tested our relationship on every level emotionally and physically….infact it was just a total roller coaster of tears, guilt, fear and anger throughout the whole process.
You have to be prepared for IVF as there are so many factors involved….endless injections, blood tests, abnormal hormones, sadness and loss, hope and happiness. In short during the treatment, it was my erratic hormones that really put a strain on everything….I don’t think my husband knew on a day to day basis what he would be coming home to! I had to go to work, manage a team and pretend everything was normal, I had no one to confide in and would hide in the loo and cry for ages. At home, I managed to kill the toaster with a spatula when it got stuck, I tried to get out of the car on a motorway, I felt like I was going mad half the time. My body had bruises all over from the injections, I was exhausted and felt like a pin cushion from all the blood tests all in the hope of having a baby. Money becomes a huge pressure when it doesn’t work, it felt like we were gambling our whole life away for such a slim chance? I felt like a complete failure for the first time as I couldn’t give my husband what he wanted..should we try again? I suppose in a way this made us stronger and closer and I have to thank my gorgeous husband for being the biggest support and rock during this time. So….. third time lucky we have a little miracle boy….everything else now seems irrelevant as we have a new journey…family. Although the pregnancy was a whole other story!!!