Along with millions of other women of the country I become obsessed with the superb BBC drama Doctor Foster aired on the BBC over the past month or so. It ended so dramatically this week, (still on Iplayer I expect if you missed it). The truly fantastic actress Suranne Jones’ portrayal of a strong independent working wife and mother dealing with betrayal, despair, anger and the ultimate destruction of her marriage showed so brilliantly how fragile ‘ the perfect life’ is and the topsy turvey emotional rollercoaster that shattering that outwardly perfect picture brings.
I thought one of the clever twists was her struggle to reconcile her love for her husband and her total loss of faith in what he had so callously done to her and his continual denial. The episode where his mother died and he ostensibly gave up his younger lover was so brilliantly done. She felt her love and belief in them, as a unit would carry them through. Not quite forgive and forget but an acceptance and moving on together – how wrong she was!
Amway it made me think about 2 like-minded amazing women I know who have recently split from their husbands after 25 and 27 years respectively. Both have been with them since college, both have raised families and both seemed perfectly idyllic to the outside world.
One couple had taken early retirement and gone to live in abroad, bought an amazing house, a gorgeous boat and moved the kids to international school there. The other friend had been with her ‘true love’ since school days. Raised two fabulous girls and after electing to be a stay at home mum to always be there for them during their school years -as she was a latch key kid during her childhood – she went back to college retrained as a teacher and is now head of a primary school.
Each couple split for different reasons, one had to deal with the pain of her husband’s infidelity the other felt she became increasingly disconnected from hers as her new found independence and career took off. Two polar opposite reasons but the pain of separation after an eternity of being part of a strong and loving partnership and family unit will remain raw for a long time.
But as they deal with the fallout of the shattering of their marriages they remain mothers. They are the emotional crutch their children lean on and they have to keep a core of practical stability. They still need to do the school run, make packed lunches, take them to football training, wash iron, and cook. Life does not stand still for them life has to go on. But now without the physical and emotional support of their partner. It’s all down to them to sort it, do it and make it happen whilst their hearts are broken inside.
I literally cannot imagine what that is like. My heart aches for them as hitting your 40s when your life implodes must be so world shattering.. they had done all the hard work to get to where the wanted to be.. They were supposed to be on the sunny side of the street. Now they face tears, arguments and divorce lawyers across a table.
The challenge is to regroup, rebuild and move on.
I have no doubt that these two special ladies will both make it through the fog and find the end of their respective rainbows, For sure they have horrendous days, bad days and hopefully increasingly better days. But I have known them both most of my life and I admire their courage, strength and bloody mindedness! I wont quote the relevant Gloria Gaynor song – you know it! Brilliant brilliant girlfriends!
For me – I look at the inspiration of my mother who raised 3 children when my father abandoned us with no financial support, and no help. He left, never to be seen again. She did it all herself. And amazingly once we had all left home and her child nurturing days were over she found love again. For me single mothers are the inspiration of the world. Their resilience fortitude and lioness protective for their cubs should bring GBBO Naidya – like tears to our eyes.
All hail the single mums!!
If you feel inspired to your story to me and our readers – let me know….or if you have any extra comments on Doctor Foster (except the husband should have died(!). it was much cleverer to end the way it did) Would love to hear from you…
Have a wonderful weekend and may the sun keep shining!
Love Angeli xx